*Should have been published in January 2016, it works well as a halfway into the year post. And I can gladly report that things have continued to move in a wondrous direction :D
It's been over a year since I made a move!
A year since I re-defined myself, my life.
And do you know what's wonderful!? I haven't regretted that change. Not once. Not even slightly.
I left a job which had been a struggle for over a year, the last few months invaluable and very nearly intolerable; and began the slow disentanglement from tenacious depths of self disbelief - by pushing myself in, towards my passion.
Dance.
There are many people who viewed/view my passion as bizarre, unsustainable. Some people gave me that look. But believe me, my own self-judgement and fear was louder than all those bemused eyes and questions.
Could I do this????
(What if... it goes wrong, what if... I'm not good enough, I'm supposed to have my s**t together by now, what about money, can I cope with moving back in with my parents, can they cope!?).
And I have been so blessed, so staggeringly, beautifully, wonderfully, supremely, lovingly, creatively and endlessly blessed that I'm embarrassed to consider how little faith I had.
If you had told me before I started following my passion of all that I
would achieve, enjoy and learn in a couple of hundred days...I wouldn't
have believed you, I would have been rendered speechless (and then, I
would have been too overwhelmed by anticipatory expectation to take even one step forward....so I'm glad you didn't!).
It has been incredible.
So, what have I been up to!? --- I've considered that it might be easier to write about what I haven't been up to; but then I attempted to wrap my brain around all those possibilities, and found my perception is suitably adjusted...!
Since November 2014 I have been a 'locum OT' (as I'm an Occupational Therapist (OT) by educational background). If you're uncertain about what OT is: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occupational_therapy.
As a locum I'm employed through an agency (contractor) which means that I have a ton of flexibility in who I work for, how many days I work, and how long I stay in a role.
I've worked for three different employers since I started part-time locum work, in neurological specialties: epilepsy, stroke and long-term condition management. I've also managed a five month break from OT work in between!
Throughout this entire year I have been training, learning and performing with Stopgap Dance Company. Looking up the details of OT was optional....this is a requirement(!): http://stopgapdance.com.
If you're already familiar with dance I highly recommend a short blog series written by Stopgap's artistic director:
http://stopgapdance.com/blog/artistic-identity-part-1--by-lucy-bennett
(and I promise it's not only because I feature in part 2...)
I do not have my s**t together; I am not perfect, fears and anxieties stubbornly cling, I don't trust myself as I should, I don't trust the divine and those around me as I should. I get it wrong.
But I have sooooooooooo (x 100) many things to celebrate, congratulate, be thankful, joyful and happy for. This has been a landmark year; I have grown immeasurably, encountered challenge and navigated new paths. I am not the same, those around me are not the same.
And (helped superbly by a recent 2 week getaway from life!) I am continually choosing inspiration, invigoration, activity and happiness.
Here, my friends, is my toast to the New Year:
To continued abundance
To networking
To immeasurable growth
To the work involved in embedding learning and experience
To the daily grind of life
To the moments when I want to scream and believe the worst
To the incomparable joy of friendships and connection
To the joy in knowing openness toward the possibilities of love
To learning how to teach
To freelancing
To CONFIDENCE
To moving out of the family home, again.
To figuring my life out, one moment at a time.
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