Here is one of my poems I wrote back in 2006 on a family holiday... I was reading through some of my old journals and have been positively inspired by my 2006 self - which was a unexpected, but nice surprise!
It all starts with one tiny breath
Breathing life into a fragile form
Life takes hold
And the winds bear it slowly upwards
Bobbing carefree in the breeze
But this innocent life cannot fight against the frailties
and the weakness if the capsule
It bobs a little while longer
Then disappears, instantly invisible
As if your eyes have been deceiving you
Smiling I dip the wand back into the bottle
Taking a deep breath
I wait to be entranced by another.
Sunday, 22 February 2009
Thursday, 19 February 2009
This clock never seemed so alive
So, it turns out that its still pretty 'dangerous' for me to reminisce about the adventure which i embarked on just under a year ago...
You see, I've just recently had the great privilege of some new technology landing on my desk-top (and that's the literal one not the ethereal one....)
Along with this technology came the opportunity to upload the pictures I've been carrying around on my memory stick since August onto a proper hard drive (yes, all 1,886 of them!)
This sequence of events ultimately led to me sitting in front of my computer watching a slideshow of the random assortment of photos that have been taken since April last year till now...now, what's wrong with that, right?!
Well, there's nothing especially wrong with it - it simply caused every single fibre of my being to ache for those experiences I had over 18 action-packed weeks in the stunning country of South Africa.
Watching all those beautiful, funny and (some) downright strange photos, set my mind a-racing...
What does it mean to have formed those relationships that mean so much?
What use is it to only be able to look at a picture of someone you've grown so fond of and only be able to imagine giving them a hug?
When that someone is not voluntarily separated from you..but rather the constraints of time, money and culture have propelled you forward. Was it pointless to invest your time, energy, fondness, friendship (and occasionally) love into that individual in that time and space?
Will you ever see these people again, to know the joy of looking in their eyes, giving them that hug, chatting and laughing (just like old times...)?
To be honest, its enough to break a heart.
So why do I/we bother?
Why does anyone, for that matter, who has made friends > become accustomed to someones company > relied on someone> learnt to love....
and and lost that relationship one way or another even bother to try again?
Have our evolutionary instincts not yet informed us that it would be better to stay apart??
Maybe we do it because...
"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all." (Alfred, Lord Tennyson paraphrased by Samuel Butler)?
The feeling of friendship and closeness goes silently beyond our needs and desires and inexplicably touches our soul.
And whether or not we realise it at the time something shifts within our person and we are changed, for better, for worse by that person.
Following this I pondered on when/where/how I was ever going to see some of these smiling faces again.
For some of them, its easy - I will see plenty of those people that come to mind over the next few weeks.
But for those whom I am separated from by endless miles of soil and sea the answers don't come quite so easily....
I have no idea what the big-man-upstairs has planned for the next couple of years of this life - whether I will return to the continent of Africa, and, if I do return, whether it will be to those faces I grew to love or whether it will be to pastures new...
There is one thing I know though, whatever happens in this life I will see most of those faces when this is all over. To know that one day I will no longer have to carry the pain of separation and just spend time with people and never have to leave.
Some say I'm a fool....and sometimes I can begin to believe them - coz I'm so far from perfect.
And sometimes all I know having faith in a Father who loves me is the most reassuring thing there is to conceive. That his promises are sure, strong and have stood from generation to generation.
So tonight I go to sleep feeling heavy with memories of the past and full of hope and optimism for the future.
Tonight, I know that no matter how many people I will be forced to leave behind or choose to leave me - blazing their own trail into the night.
There is someone to pick me up, dust me off, mend my heart and send me off on the right path. He alone can do it, coz He's beyond anything I could dream up or imagine.
You see, I've just recently had the great privilege of some new technology landing on my desk-top (and that's the literal one not the ethereal one....)
Along with this technology came the opportunity to upload the pictures I've been carrying around on my memory stick since August onto a proper hard drive (yes, all 1,886 of them!)
This sequence of events ultimately led to me sitting in front of my computer watching a slideshow of the random assortment of photos that have been taken since April last year till now...now, what's wrong with that, right?!
Well, there's nothing especially wrong with it - it simply caused every single fibre of my being to ache for those experiences I had over 18 action-packed weeks in the stunning country of South Africa.
Watching all those beautiful, funny and (some) downright strange photos, set my mind a-racing...
What does it mean to have formed those relationships that mean so much?
What use is it to only be able to look at a picture of someone you've grown so fond of and only be able to imagine giving them a hug?
When that someone is not voluntarily separated from you..but rather the constraints of time, money and culture have propelled you forward. Was it pointless to invest your time, energy, fondness, friendship (and occasionally) love into that individual in that time and space?
Will you ever see these people again, to know the joy of looking in their eyes, giving them that hug, chatting and laughing (just like old times...)?
To be honest, its enough to break a heart.
So why do I/we bother?
Why does anyone, for that matter, who has made friends > become accustomed to someones company > relied on someone> learnt to love....
and and lost that relationship one way or another even bother to try again?
Have our evolutionary instincts not yet informed us that it would be better to stay apart??
Maybe we do it because...
"It is better to have loved and lost than never to have lost at all." (Alfred, Lord Tennyson paraphrased by Samuel Butler)?
The feeling of friendship and closeness goes silently beyond our needs and desires and inexplicably touches our soul.
And whether or not we realise it at the time something shifts within our person and we are changed, for better, for worse by that person.
Following this I pondered on when/where/how I was ever going to see some of these smiling faces again.
For some of them, its easy - I will see plenty of those people that come to mind over the next few weeks.
But for those whom I am separated from by endless miles of soil and sea the answers don't come quite so easily....
I have no idea what the big-man-upstairs has planned for the next couple of years of this life - whether I will return to the continent of Africa, and, if I do return, whether it will be to those faces I grew to love or whether it will be to pastures new...
There is one thing I know though, whatever happens in this life I will see most of those faces when this is all over. To know that one day I will no longer have to carry the pain of separation and just spend time with people and never have to leave.
Some say I'm a fool....and sometimes I can begin to believe them - coz I'm so far from perfect.
And sometimes all I know having faith in a Father who loves me is the most reassuring thing there is to conceive. That his promises are sure, strong and have stood from generation to generation.
So tonight I go to sleep feeling heavy with memories of the past and full of hope and optimism for the future.
Tonight, I know that no matter how many people I will be forced to leave behind or choose to leave me - blazing their own trail into the night.
There is someone to pick me up, dust me off, mend my heart and send me off on the right path. He alone can do it, coz He's beyond anything I could dream up or imagine.
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